what’s up everybody dan here coming at you at the end of just a hell of a year 2015
I’ve spoken to a lot of people about how this year has gone and it seems to me that this year has been particularly hard on people
I don’t know what it is maybe it’s just I’m biased by what I’m seeing or something but it
wasn’t just me that had a tough year you know it seems like so many people I spoke to this was a really bad year for them
so we’re getting to the end of it and though years are just something that we humans have made up it does have a strong symbology for us if that’s a word and so getting to the end of the year feels like an event of some kind and it’s a great point a great excuse to stop and reflect
and I was thinking about well what’s happened this year that seems to have been the most impactful
what has been the biggest issue of the year that I’ve noticed
and it has to be a dependence on outcomes this is the thing that I’ve seen cause the most suffering and pain and exhaustion and frustration for people throughout this year is an attachment to outcomes and results
I’ve been looking at this concept for a long time now I’ve been trying to figure out what is the difference between somebody who’s content and satisfied and enjoying everything that’s going on versus someone who is constantly dissatisfied who’s constantly fighting struggling
and the difference really is it seems to me to be an attachment to outcomes
now I see this being directly attributed to the education system that is almost the same all throughout the world
this idea that getting the result matters that the process is unimportant what really matters is results and outcomes
getting something that is where true satisfaction and happiness comes from as people like to say
and it’s just not true it‘s just not true
when people become attached to getting something to an outcome a result an achievement of some kind all I see is that leading to misery in the future suffering pain
you get this with perfectionism so many people won’t start something because they’re worried they won’t be good at it
that is an attachment to outcomes that’s needing the outcome to go well for you to even want to do something
this is what causes our suffering and we don’t live very well we live in these highlights with big periods of pain in between
you know a great example of somebody who say dances a dance performer somebody who competes
between performances and competitions they don’t enjoy the process you know they’re just training hard
they’re just constantly thinking about that next win that they try to get
then the performance happens it’s a couple of minutes and that’s the only time they get to really even participate in this thing that’s the only time they’re present and even then a lot of the time they‘re so worried about winning that they don’t even get to enjoy that thing that they’ve been building up to the entire time
when we focus on outcomes and results then the outcomes and results get to determine how well we enjoy something
you know I’ve been working with a lot of guys lately on meeting new people and approaching and you know initiating conversations with strangers and the ones who get attached to the reaction of those strangers get exhausted quickly
you know if you’re going out trying to meet new people and five of them in a row essentially reject you then you’re going to be feeling a lot less satisfied with the process of meeting new people
you’re going to find it draining like a chore some difficult thing you have to go through
but if you’re focused on meeting new people for your own reasons when the outcomes are actually internal satisfactions like I want to see how courageous I can be today
I wanna see how honest I can be today
I wanna live up to my values by meeting five new people doesn’t matter how they react it’s just that I met them I initiated
I lived by the value of leadership
these are things that can keep you going and you get to enjoy the process the whole way through
not only that no one can take the enjoyment away from you
if you’re focused on the process rather than the outcome if you’re focused on the experience rather than the result you get to enjoy the entire thing
it’s the same with emotions a lot of people think that all the emotions we experience are a build up to experiencing happiness we’re all trying to get to this constant level of happiness
we think of that as being an outcome a result
and it’s just total bullshit
do you know what it would actually be like to be happy all the time
have you ever stopped to think what they would actually be like
comfortable and happy all the time
well in my experience of I’ve ever sustained a happy feeling or a comfortable feeling for a long time eventually I get bored and I think that’s what would happen for everyone who didn’t have a range of emotional experience
you‘d become apathetic depressed probably
if instead you start looking at all emotions as being meaningful and that experiencing all of them is a part of developing memories and creating a sensation of having really lived life then you won’t be trying to achieve any one of them
you’ll just be waiting to see what happens and it becomes very interesting
it becomes this ongoing experience that you get to observe rather than waiting for a result to happen so when I look back over 2015 and all the suffering that I felt that I went through and the suffering that people I work with or people I love and know went through
I can always see a link with attachment to outcomes
you know when I was making dumb decisions for my business it was an attachment to the outcome of money
when I was making good decisions for my businesses it was because I was like how do I get uncomfortable today how do I be more courageous how do I connect deeper
these are things that are internally driven I don’t need somebody else to validate I don’t need them to even participate I can do this without them
it’s an independent way of gaining satisfaction
so when you think about 2016 I urge you think about one thing in particular where in your life are you attached to results where in your life do you measure your self worth based on how good you are at something
and what would need to change for you to get in love with the process
so if you’re a dancer how do you switch from measuring your self worth based on your performance to just enjoying the process of connecting with someone through dance enjoying the rush and the hard work that goes into training
how do you get there you know
if you’re somebody who’s trying to work on your social skills how do you get to the point where instead of waiting for someone to give you a phone number or a kiss or approval you start focusing more on how do I express myself more honestly today
how do I push my limits of courage today
how can I lead a bit stronger today
even health so many people go and measure their health based on weight and look and the aesthetics counting the abs that they don’t have
what if you go there for how can I get one more sit up in today you know
how can I push past the lactic acid buildup to be just a bit more courageous mentally you know
how can I be stronger today
how can I get to the gym when I don’t feel like it you know
how can I keep building on my discipline to eat healthy
rather than trying to get a result focusing on the process
that’s my best advice my biggest learning from 2015
satisfaction in life is directly related to whether or not you’re attached to outcomes
I’m off in a couple of days
I’m going to take a couple of weeks off it’s going to be almost radio silence I’m not going to look at my emails I’m going to try and avoid facebook if i can
I’m gonna let go of outcomes
I’m just going to enjoy the process of being with my friends and fishing and drinking and maybe some other stuff and I’ll see you guys back in January with a whole new level of 3X confidence
a whole new level of authenticity hopefully
and a bigger focus on how I can help people to let go of outcomes so they can actually enjoy the process of living
feel free to get in touch with me I’ll be answering emails and everything up until Christmas Day
if any of you are interested in coaching from January onwards I’ve got a bit of a waitlist backing up now so get in quick let me know you’re keen and we’ll see if I can fit you into January for a consultation of some kind
otherwise I don’t know go buy some of my stuff I don’t care enjoy yourselves have a good time and I will see you in the new year peace