Letting Go of Outcomes

what’s up everybody dan here coming at you at the end of just a hell of a year 2015

I’ve spoken to a lot of people about how this year has gone and it seems to me that this year has been particularly hard on people

I don’t know what it is maybe it’s just I’m biased by what I’m seeing or something but it

wasn’t just me that had a tough year you know it seems like so many people I spoke to this was a really bad year for them

so we’re getting to the end of it and though years are just something that we humans have made up it does have a strong symbology for us if that’s a word and so getting to the end of the year feels like an event of some kind and it’s a great point a great excuse to stop and reflect

and I was thinking about well what’s happened this year that seems to have been the most impactful

what has been the biggest issue of the year that I’ve noticed

and it has to be a dependence on outcomes this is the thing that I’ve seen cause the most suffering and pain and exhaustion and frustration for people throughout this year is an attachment to outcomes and results

I’ve been looking at this concept for a long time now I’ve been trying to figure out what is the difference between somebody who’s content and satisfied and enjoying everything that’s going on versus someone who is constantly dissatisfied who’s constantly fighting struggling

and the difference really is it seems to me to be an attachment to outcomes

now I see this being directly attributed to the education system that is almost the same all throughout the world

this idea that getting the result matters that the process is unimportant what really matters is results and outcomes

getting something that is where true satisfaction and happiness comes from as people like to say

and it’s just not true it‘s just not true

when people become attached to getting something to an outcome a result an achievement of some kind all I see is that leading to misery in the future suffering pain

you get this with perfectionism so many people won’t start something because they’re worried they won’t be good at it

that is an attachment to outcomes that’s needing the outcome to go well for you to even want to do something

this is what causes our suffering and we don’t live very well we live in these highlights with big periods of pain in between

you know a great example of somebody who say dances a dance performer somebody who competes

between performances and competitions they don’t enjoy the process you know they’re just training hard

they’re just constantly thinking about that next win that they try to get

then the performance happens it’s a couple of minutes and that’s the only time they get to really even participate in this thing that’s the only time they’re present and even then a lot of the time they‘re so worried about winning that they don’t even get to enjoy that thing that they’ve been building up to the entire time

when we focus on outcomes and results then the outcomes and results get to determine how well we enjoy something

you know I’ve been working with a lot of guys lately on meeting new people and approaching and you know initiating conversations with strangers and the ones who get attached to the reaction of those strangers get exhausted quickly

you know if you’re going out trying to meet new people and five of them in a row essentially reject you then you’re going to be feeling a lot less satisfied with the process of meeting new people

you’re going to find it draining like a chore some difficult thing you have to go through

but if you’re focused on meeting new people for your own reasons when the outcomes are actually internal satisfactions like I want to see how courageous I can be today

I wanna see how honest I can be today

I wanna live up to my values by meeting five new people doesn’t matter how they react it’s just that I met them I initiated

I lived by the value of leadership

these are things that can keep you going and you get to enjoy the process the whole way through

not only that no one can take the enjoyment away from you

if you’re focused on the process rather than the outcome if you’re focused on the experience rather than the result you get to enjoy the entire thing

it’s the same with emotions a lot of people think that all the emotions we experience are a build up to experiencing happiness we’re all trying to get to this constant level of happiness

we think of that as being an outcome a result

and it’s just total bullshit

do you know what it would actually be like to be happy all the time

have you ever stopped to think what they would actually be like

comfortable and happy all the time

well in my experience of I’ve ever sustained a happy feeling or a comfortable feeling for a long time eventually I get bored and I think that’s what would happen for everyone who didn’t have a range of emotional experience

you‘d become apathetic depressed probably

if instead you start looking at all emotions as being meaningful and that experiencing all of them is a part of developing memories and creating a sensation of having really lived life then you won’t be trying to achieve any one of them

you’ll just be waiting to see what happens and it becomes very interesting

it becomes this ongoing experience that you get to observe rather than waiting for a result to happen so when I look back over 2015 and all the suffering that I felt that I went through and the suffering that people I work with or people I love and know went through

I can always see a link with attachment to outcomes

you know when I was making dumb decisions for my business it was an attachment to the outcome of money

when I was making good decisions for my businesses it was because I was like how do I get uncomfortable today how do I be more courageous how do I connect deeper

these are things that are internally driven I don’t need somebody else to validate I don’t need them to even participate I can do this without them

it’s an independent way of gaining satisfaction

so when you think about 2016 I urge you think about one thing in particular where in your life are you attached to results where in your life do you measure your self worth based on how good you are at something

and what would need to change for you to get in love with the process

so if you’re a dancer how do you switch from measuring your self worth based on your performance to just enjoying the process of  connecting with someone through dance enjoying the rush and the hard work that goes into training

how do you get there you know

if you’re somebody who’s trying to work on your social skills how do you get to the point where instead of waiting for someone to give you a phone number or a kiss or approval you start focusing more on how do I express myself more honestly today

how do I push my limits of courage today

how can I lead a bit stronger today

even health so many people go and measure their health based on weight and look and the aesthetics counting the abs that they don’t have

what if you go there for how can I get one more sit up in today you know

how can I push past the lactic acid buildup to be just a bit more courageous mentally you know

how can I be stronger today

how can I get to the gym when I don’t feel like it you know

how can I keep building on my discipline to eat healthy

rather than trying to get a result focusing on the process

that’s my best advice my biggest learning from 2015

satisfaction in life is directly related to whether or not you’re attached to outcomes

I’m off in a couple of days

I’m going to take a couple of weeks off it’s going to be almost radio silence I’m not going to look at my emails I’m going to try and avoid facebook if i can

I’m gonna let go of outcomes

I’m just going to enjoy the process of being with my friends and fishing and drinking and maybe some other stuff and I’ll see you guys back in January with a whole new level of 3X confidence

a whole new level of authenticity hopefully

and a bigger focus on how I can help people to let go of outcomes so they can actually enjoy the process of living

feel free to get in touch with me I’ll be answering emails and everything up until Christmas Day

if any of you are interested in coaching from January onwards I’ve got a bit of a waitlist backing up now so get in quick let me know you’re keen and we’ll see if I can fit you into January for a consultation of some kind

otherwise I don’t know go buy some of my stuff I don’t care enjoy yourselves have a good time and I will see you in the new year peace

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