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Is PUA a necessary evil for building confidence?

I’ve got a question for you guys who have done the PUA (pick up artist) thing like I did back in the day – or those of you who have tried any kind of manipulative/strategic approach to socializing that isn’t full integrity.

Is it a necessary development phase?

I left pickup once I discovered honesty, when I realized I could attract people and create a social circle just by shamelessly being myself.

I learned I didn’t need to play a game, and actually being honest was so confident it was more attractive than any kind of techniques or tricks could ever hope to be.

But one thing I’ll never know is, would I have discovered that without getting into pickup first?

Was pickup a necessary transitional learning journey that I had to go through? Would I have discovered radical honesty and the no more mr nice guy stuff without first doing a bit of Day Game and expressing myself honestly to girls and doing the strategy stuff first?

I really don’t know.

I work with a lot of guys who are ex-pickup, and then they get into honesty once we start working together. Sometimes I’m not sure if they could get there without it because you need basic social courage to even experiment with integrity. Other times, the PUA conditioning presents a massive barrier to progressing with integrity, as they have to unlearn all the bullshit first.

While I do have many clients who never went the PUA route and are now confidently successful in the social sphere with full integrity, I do wonder if some other guys – especially neurodivergent guys like me – need a stepping stone first.

What do you guys think?

2 Responses

  1. And for those of you still doing the PUA thing – what prevents you from experimenting with a more directly open and honest approach?

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