If you’re a nice-guy provider type, you’re always gonna be worried: Is it the providing that makes them like me?

That’s how people end up with retroactive jealousy and paranoia about cheating or loyalty in their relationships—they know they’re being loved on conditions.

They don’t have unconditional love. Not because the other person is incapable of it, but because you never gave them the choice.

A lot of men complain, “Oh, you know, a woman can never love a man unconditionally.”

No, you never gave them the chance to love you unconditionally.

Making people like you—whether it’s a small amount of people-pleasing, or trying to be the funny guy, or seducing people, or even just being a hard-working friend—in the long run, you lose.

That’s not an effective strategy.

Short-term win for long-term suffering.

In the long run, you’re gonna be paranoid. You’re gonna be burned out and exhausted from keeping up the act.

You’ll never trust that they actually like you.

You’ll never trust anything they say.

You’ll always be worried they’re gonna give you up for somebody else.

If like a lot of people, you start with a performance and then slowly, over time, let the real you out—and it happens that the person you were trying to impress still likes you—well, that’s all wasted time with the performance.

You could’ve done that on the first date, and it would’ve worked out.

I know this.

It’s been tested.

So when you think, Hey, I’ve got to put on a performance to make people like me—first off, I bet it’s not even working out that well anyway, alright?

I bet you’re not surrounded by lots of love as a result of this strategy.

Maybe it’s never worked, and even if it does work—in the long run, you end up alone.

To dive deeper into this topic, check out the original video here: