If you’re mad at someone else, you’re probably a hypocrite

The other day, I was quite upset about a friend of mine who didn’t reach out for help when he should have, and I was getting all worked up about it for quite some time…

Until it finally clicked that I’m currently struggling and I’m not reaching out for help! I was lying next to my wife in bed, struggling emotionally about this issue, and hypocritically not saying a word.

I had a sudden moment of empathy for him. I realised, he felt like I feel right now. He was struggling and couldn’t reach out, just like I’m dealing with this all on my own in spite of there being support literally within arms’ reach.

So I swallowed my weird pride and resistance, and told my wife that I was feeling sad and wanted a cuddle. It was incredibly hard to do. I understood deeply why he hadn’t done it, and why it was so important for all of us to speak up.

I’ve found that when we are upset with other people for their behaviour, it’s generally for one of two reasons. It’s either it’s because they’re doing the opposite of what we do (or like to think we do), or it’s because they’re doing the same as what we do.

As soon as you ask yourself the question, Is this what I do too? Am I doing it right now? the empathy will come flooding in, and that will help you understand not only other person’s situation, but your own areas for improvement.

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One Response

  1. To go meta-level with this, notice how you’ll get mad at someone for being hypocritical, and then ask yourself when you last did it too

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