Stop thinking about love as a feeling, and think of it more like a narrative you attach to a cluster of feelings that you frequently associate with that word.

I think there’s a healthier way to think of love:

I prefer to think of love as a set of conditions about behavior.

For me, love is positive treatment of another person.

This is really important for someone like myself, who’s generally quite numb emotionally.

If I’m in love with someone, that doesn’t mean my heart’s bursting every time I see them. I know there are some people who feel that way—I think my wife feels that way a lot.

But for me, I can feel quite numb, or empty, or nothing at all around people I love, for extended periods of time.

Similarly, I could spend all day with my parents and, on one hand, I know I love them—but on the other hand, it’s not like I’m melting inside.

I’m not flushing with warmth as the chemicals flow through my body. I just feel no different than if I were by myself.

Consider the opposite case: I could feel that warm, gushing feeling and be mistaken. That doesn’t happen to me much, but I know it happens to a lot of people. That feeling can’t be trusted.

You can feel lots of love toward someone, and they don’t love you back. Or it’s not the person you thought they were. Or they don’t even fucking exist.

So, how do I know that I love, how do I know what can be trusted?

Behavior.
Because behavior’s measurable.
Behavior is real.

To dive deeper into this topic, check out the original video here: