We’re coming off the back of mental health awareness month, and this focus on psychological wellness will trigger many of us to think about the things we’re ashamed of. For some, this may even set off a shame spiral – a deep dive into everything you think is “wrong” with you and all those things you think make you not good enough as a person. This can lead to anxiety and depression, and without coping skills for this pain you can end up bitter, lost, and even suicidal.
Shame is DEADLY!
In order to be more confident, you must start to explore the concept of becoming shameless. Shame is created by dishonesty – hiding who you really are to please other people – and shame is also the opposite of confidence. Therefore, to reduce your anxiety and negative core beliefs about yourself, you must learn how to be honest more often: in other words, how to live with integrity.
Many people resort to online therapy and bizarre “holistic” spiritual practices to engage in “inner child healing” and other measures to reduce their shame and try to feel good about who they are. While I understand the motivation for this search, most of it is simply trying to find a way out of just being more honest.
Yes, it’s scary to reveal who you really are to others, and to risk being judged, mocked, abused and abandoned. But living with integrity is a much more straightforward and effective treatment for shame and other mental health issues in the “not good enough” category. And what is integrity? Simply put, it’s the practice of being as honest as possible, as often as possible. If you want to learn how to love yourself, it’s really rather simple.
You need to treat yourself like someone you love. What do you do with someone you love? You accept them for who they are – you let them be themselves. In other words, you give the permission and support they need to be more honest. So do the same for yourself: forgive yourself for your shameful truths by revealing them as powerfully as you can.
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