Daily Dose of Integrity

A question that I often get asked is: “How can I be emotionally strong?”

By asking this question, people often want to know how not to have emotions and how not to be affected by them. I often get the impression that they are hoping to achieve a kind of unemotional James Bond style of being.

Unfortunately, that’s just not an option. You can try to suppress your emotions, but they are going to come back in the form of rage outbursts and depression. So, suppressing emotions is not the most effective approach. A more productive approach is to understand what “being emotionally strong” really means.

Being emotionally strong doesn’t mean that you don’t feel emotions or that you’re unaffected by them. Being emotionally strong means that you’ve learned how to react to your emotions in a healthy way, that is, by choosing your behaviours wisely.

See, emotions are not commands. They don’t own you or control your behaviour, even though it feels like they do.

There’s actually a gap between having the feeling and choosing what to do next.

If you think of being emotionally strong as getting really good at minding that gap between your emotions and your actions (and deciding what to do next in a rational way), you’ll find that you don’t need to have less emotions.

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