People pleasers prevent intimacy and make it impossible by violating two principles: honesty and respect. They’re rarely honest about their darkness and their negativity, despite these being normal human experiences and despite them feeling like this almost every single day. You only ever get to see a small slice of their personality pie.

When you’re with one of them, they just show you the side of themselves that they think you’ll like and be comfortable with. They hide anything that might burden you, gain your disapproval, or ruin the relationship. In other words, you get to see only the happy, easygoing, side of them. For a while, it might be pleasant to be around people like that. However, here’s the problem: this kind of behaviour increases the false sense of intimacy.

Sure, you may enjoy each other’s company, but enjoying each other’s company is not intimacy. I can enjoy the company of a dog. I can enjoy an imaginary friend.

Intimacy is when we’re both actually connected, and it’s not false and based on lies.

To dive deeper into this topic, check out the original video here: