I got a question the other day: “How can I not be affected by other people’s behaviour?”

It’s a noble goal, but ultimately I think that you’re asking the wrong question.

If you think of the human brain as being something like a computer, you can’t expose a computer to a new program without affecting how the computer runs.

It’s the same with a human brain.

You can’t block out stimuli. If somebody behaves around you, you will be affected by it in some way. It will write neural pathways in your brain. You don’t have a choice in that matter. You can’t observe something and not be affected by it.

Perhaps a better question is: “How do I respond in a way that’s good for me?”

Rather than trying to avoid being affected at all, focus on developing your ability to respond in a healthy way to things that upset and bother you, including people that you find obnoxious.

If you change the question, then you change the pursuit to something that you can actually control. In other words, ask yourself can I behave in a way that suits me better?