Let’s look at some of the criteria that define whether your help is healthy or selfish and narcissistic:

1. The person has directly asked for your help or assistance. This means it is not unsolicited. The hallmark of “Nice Guy” caring is that it’s unsolicited—we force it on others or assume, based on indirect evidence, that they want us to do this. However, healthy help comes from a place of permission.
2. You aim to enable the other person to help themselves as much as possible. Your assistance is the minimum needed to give them the boost they need to do the rest of the work themselves. You’re not taking over for them.
3. You do what’s best for them and their long-term quality of life, rather than what makes you feel good or what makes you look good to others. Your priority is the other person’s success, not your reputation nor emotional state.
4. They really cannot solve this problem without outside support. They are, without a doubt, at the limit of their capability or knowledge.
5. And this is key: you do not sacrifice your own well-being in order to help them. You’ve got your oxygen mask on first and are breathing properly before you start helping others with theirs.

If you meet these criteria, then you are a healthy, helpful person.

To dive deeper into this topic, check out the original video here: