Forgive yourself for being manipulated

If you’ve ever been in a manipulative relationship, or been conned, bullied, or abused, then you know the real damage done is your loss of self trust.

There’s something about getting “got” – about being successfully manipulated by others – that makes you doubt yourself.

I think one of the main reasons people are so hurt by being cheated on is not so much the betrayal but the amount of time you spent not knowing – the shame of having been so ignorant; so blissfully unaware and trusting while it was happening.

You wonder how you could have ever trusted the person. It blows your mind how you judged them so wrong. And you then become doubtful and paranoid about your ability to assess people accurately in the future.

So you close down. You figure you can’t be trusted to judge who should and should not be allowed in, so you just keep everyone out.

What’s important to understand is the human brain is like a computer, and it does not come with all the software needed to prevent all possible viruses. Manipulation from one human being to another is like the downloading of a virus. If you haven’t yet developed the security software to screen this particular virus, you won’t know it’s happening until it’s already done.

Getting got doesn’t undermine your ability to judge people. The paradox of the brain is you have to be open enough to let someone in if you want to to form connections but this means you’ll also be open enough to be manipulated.

Indeed, every time you get manipulated you learn a little more about how humans function and what you need to protect yourself from. You get wiser when they get you!

That’s not a fault. There’s nothing wrong with you. You must forgive yourself for being human.

Just make sure you learn from it. Get wiser. Try to install the necessary and reasonable level of security software to prevent it happening again (without preventing all possibility of connection), and move on to try again.

For more on this topic, check out my video “How to Recover From A Narcissistic Relationship”:

One Response

  1. One way to become wiser from these experiences is to ask yourself, “What were the key differences between this person and healthy people?”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


Confidence | Clarity | Connection

No more people-pleasing, Nice Guy Syndrome, or confidence issues.

The BROJO community will make sure you achieve your goals and build your self-worth with the support of members and coaches from all over the world.