Many codependent relationships happen when both partners bring their childhood compulsions—that repetition—into the relationship.

They meet, and it’s like a match… not in a healthy way, but in a cohesive way.

Fixers often come from emotionally unstable homes, where they had to fix or caretake someone to stay out of trouble or to feel comfortable and safe.

Damsels, on the other hand, often come from more helicopter-style parenting, or from being spoiled—where they never had to figure out how to meet their own needs because someone always did it for them.

It can also just be what you know.

It happened the first time you got into a relationship, and you’ve just repeated what you know because you can’t think of any better ideas.

You’ve never realized that this may be the problem—that this is the reason your previous relationships ended.

You think you’re doing everything right, and that you just need to find the right person.

I believe this is also strongly correlated to attachment styles.

I think Nice Guys generally tend to have anxious attachment as their baseline, so being needed—being a fixer— allows them to maintain connection while still keeping power and distance.

Whereas a damsel is more like the anxious attachment type in the sense that they feel they can’t provide for themselves, so they cling to anyone who provides for them.

It’s more of an opinion than a fact—just to be clear.

To dive deeper into this topic, check out the original video here: