Feeling Alone In The Universe? The Secret Behind “Over-Achiever Guilt”

I recently experienced a mind-blowing session with my coach Phil Drolet.

I had been having some difficulty both enjoying the highs and being unaffected by the lows, regarding my journey to grow The Inspirational Lifestyle. I would have big successes and feel ‘high’ for a while, but then the feeling would fade and be replaced by a very slight anxiety.

I was experiencing this feeling of mild dread, like a something was possibly going to drop on top of me. I was almost waiting for it all to collapse. It’s like feeling alone while you’re in the midst of a battle.

I’ve always been a bit like this and never known why. Until the other day…

During the session it became clear: I have somehow developed a belief that it’s me vs the Universe. I’m on my own, cannot rely on ‘good luck’ to help me, and that actually it’s an everyday battle just to avoid collapsing.

The belief states that the forces in the Universe are essentially against me in some way. I feel that if I take my foot off the gas for even a second, the Universe will somehow conspire to destroy everything I’ve built.

You can see evidence of this belief in some older posts of mine. Read this one and see if you can identify this belief coming through:
What is the secret to ‘Good Luck’?

Some of you will remember I recently started a discussion on how to enjoy time off. As an ‘overachiever’ I couldn’t seem to take a day off without feeling guilty. It turns out THIS is the real reason why: I was worried that if I take even a single day off all my good work will be undone.

over achiever feeling alone

Over achievers: do you feel this way too?

Do you have to force yourself to take time off?

Does it feel uncomfortable when you are ‘wasting time’ doing nothing?

Do you feel that there’s no point trying to get help because you’re the only one who will really help you succeed?

If so, then maybe you also have a belief that somehow the outside world is conspiring to ruin you.

As my coach Phil said, my belief basically makes me feel like I’m pushing a boulder up a hill. As long as I keep pushing (i.e. working my ass off) the boulder will keep going up.

But as soon as I stop for a rest, the boulder starts rolling back down, and if I stop too long it will roll all the way back to the bottom. All my results vanish.

So how to change this?

What I’ve started to do now is visualise my efforts as more like pushing a boulder along a flat surface. If I work hard and push for a while, it gains momentum and will roll by itself, allowing me time to rest. This rest is crucial for me to regain my strength for better efforts.

If I rest too long it will come to a complete stop, but I can always get it started again, and will not really lose the progress I’ve made.


Another thing I’m going to do is force myself to adopt a semi-spiritual belief of ‘everything that happens to me is to my advantage’. From a more psychological viewpoint, what I will be doing is analysing any ‘setback’ or frustration, to find a way to frame it as a benefit.

For example, if someone takes too long in the queue before me, I can choose to see it as a situation that will teach me patience and resilience, as well as give me time to reflect and plan out my day. If I get stuck in traffic, it’s a good opportunity to practice speeches or brainstorm writing ideas.

Also, I will go back over my life and write down all the times where I got something for nothing. I will identify when I was actually ‘lucky’. From something as obvious as being born in New Zealand where there are great opportunities and good living conditions, through to something as small as finding a $10 note on the ground. I need to show my brain evidence that sometimes the Universe throws me a freebie.

If you feel like it’s you vs the world, try changing the way you look at progress and challenges. Share this around and comment below if you think others need to see this, or if you have other ideas on how to change this kind of unhelpful belief.

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