Why do we succumb to a bully, an abusive boss, or a narcissistic partner when we know that it doesn’t go well for us in the long run?

Well, the truth is, as simple as it is devastating, we just want to avoid emotional discomfort.

It’s not that we decide to allow ourselves to be manipulated, it’s that the manipulation causes us to believe that things will get very unpleasant for us emotionally and that we need to change our behaviour to avoid that painful experience—to get away from a current experience.

It’s not the words that the person says that manipulates you; it’s the implication—the words make you believe that you are about to experience unpleasant emotions and that it is vital and urgent for you to get out of those unpleasant emotions as soon as possible.

Unpleasant emotions vary, from being fearful, awkward, confused, lonely, rejected, sad, to being angry.

Manipulation gives us a sense that these emotions are going to happen, or it makes them seem to happen, and gives us the impression that we should try to get away from them.

So, clever manipulators know that to move someone, you don’t say, “Just go over there,” because it’s too obvious and you’ll get resistance.

What you do instead is say, “Here’s some extreme discomfort. Is there anywhere else you’d like to be?”

To dive deeper into this topic, check out the original video here: