This video argues that the Democrats’ election strategy failed due to ineffective influence techniques. I’ll critique the approach of attacking Trump and his supporters, which hardened their positions rather than persuading them.

We’ll use this example and some others to demonstrate the importance of understanding and compassion when it comes to changing peoples’ minds, something I learned the hard way during my experience rehabilitating criminals.

Love and respect, rather than hate and ostracization, are more effective in influencing behavior, acknowledging commonalities and showing empathy to bridge differences, arguing that this approach is more likely to lead to genuine change.

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Why Your Approach to Influence Isn’t Working (and What You Can Do About It)

Over the years, I’ve watched a lot of people try to influence others, whether it’s in politics, religion, or other aspects of life. And I’ve come to a simple realization: most people have no idea how to effectively influence others. I first noticed this watching debates in the new atheist movement. As an atheist myself, I found these debates interesting, but I couldn’t ignore how they just seemed to harden the stance of religious fundamentalists. These debates didn’t change anyone’s mind; if anything, they drove people further into their beliefs. The atheists involved didn’t seem to see the harm they were doing. And this got me thinking: why do so many people, on all sides of various debates, struggle to actually change minds?

This brings me to a simple, but crucial, point: if your approach isn’t working, it’s time to question it. If your method for convincing someone to vote for a certain candidate or adopt a particular view isn’t producing results, then maybe your approach isn’t as effective as you think. You need to be willing to reassess. The reality is, most people don’t do this. Instead, they cling to their methods, believing that their righteousness will ultimately win people over. This is where the problem lies.

The Disconnect Between Right and Effective

I work in rehabilitating hardened criminal offenders—people whose behavior is ingrained, often for decades. I’ve been trained by experts in psychology and psychiatry to understand how to influence change in people with some of the most entrenched attitudes you can imagine. And one thing I’ve learned is this: influencing people is not about proving you’re right or making them feel inferior to you. It’s about finding a way to connect with them and create enough space for their thinking to shift.

Let’s look at the 2020 U.S. election. If your goal was to persuade moderate voters or those slightly on the right to support Kamala Harris, yet your strategy was to relentlessly trash Trump, belittle his supporters, and push overly progressive agendas, ask yourself: Did it work? No. You lost. And that’s the point. If the approach was effective, you would have won. If your goal was to sway fundamentalist religious people toward a more moderate position, but you’re seeing an uptick in religious extremism, your approach hasn’t worked. So, it’s time to change it.

The Importance of Results

In my experience, most people confuse feeling righteous with being effective. They feel that because they’re on the right side of an argument, their message must be effective. But the truth is, just because you’re right doesn’t mean you’re being persuasive. If your goal is to change someone’s mind, you need to consider the effectiveness of your approach.

You might look at your posts on social media, get a lot of likes and comments, and feel like you’re winning, but here’s the thing: you’re not changing anyone’s mind. You’re just reinforcing beliefs that people already hold. That’s not influence, that’s validation. And validation doesn’t shift perspectives.

Take the atheist movement, for example. When people come out and thank public atheists for being outspoken, it may feel like a victory, but those people were already atheists. The real question is: did the approach actually change anyone’s deeply held beliefs? Did it sway any moderates or fundamentalists? No. In fact, it often pushed people further into their existing beliefs.

So how do you influence change? You start by acknowledging that if your current approach isn’t working, it’s time to adjust. And that means getting clear on what you want to achieve.

The Ego vs. the Goal

When we set out to influence people, we need to ask ourselves if we are focused on our ego or the actual goal. Are we trying to look smart, right, or superior? Or do we actually want to change the world in a meaningful way?

If you’re not willing to put your ego aside for the sake of the goal, you’ll never influence anyone effectively. When we act out of ego, we push people away. We insult them, belittle them, and make them feel inferior. And guess what? That’s not how you win people over. In fact, it often has the opposite effect, hardening them against you.

Compassion Over Condemnation

I see this a lot in political arguments, especially in the U.S. People on the left often belittle Trump voters, calling them ignorant, racist, or even evil. The problem with this approach is it alienates the very people you’re trying to reach. You can’t ostracize someone and then hope they’ll come to your side. That’s not how human psychology works. When you reject people, they double down on their beliefs.

This is exactly what happened in the last U.S. election. Instead of finding common ground, many liberals attacked the right. They made Trump voters feel like they were morally inferior, and in response, they hardened their stances. On the flip side, Trump supporters opened their arms to these same people. They made them feel understood and accepted. And guess what? That’s why Trump won.

It’s heartbreaking to see how poorly this was handled. When you attack people, you don’t change their minds—you push them further away. And if your goal is to win elections, change minds, or moderate extreme views, you’ve got to adjust your approach.

The Power of Connection

So, what actually works when it comes to influencing change? The answer might surprise you: love. Now, I know that sounds “woo-woo,” but bear with me. Research shows that love (or more specifically, oxytocin, the “love hormone”) can actually change people’s beliefs.

Let me break it down: If you’re trying to convince a racist to reconsider their views, one of the most effective ways to do that is by making them feel loved and respected. It’s very hard to remain hateful toward someone who treats you with kindness. When you connect on a human level, you start to break down the barriers of “us vs. them.” This is how you soften cognitive biases and open the door to new ways of thinking.

I’ve seen this firsthand in my work rehabilitating offenders. The key to changing their behavior wasn’t shaming or punishing them. It was showing them that I saw them as human beings, worthy of respect. When I did that, their resistance to change began to melt away, and I could start nudging them in a different direction.

Making the Hard Choice

Here’s the painful truth: if you want to change minds, you have to put your ego aside. You can’t beat hate with more hate. You have to meet people where they are, acknowledge their humanity, and build a bridge. If you continue to use methods that don’t work, you’re only indulging your own need for righteousness—not helping anyone.

This is a difficult shift to make. It requires emotional maturity and self-awareness. But if you want real change, it’s the only path forward. You have to choose between feeling righteous and actually achieving your goal. If you choose righteousness, be prepared for the consequences: you won’t influence anyone. If you choose to listen, understand, and show compassion, you’ll begin to create change in a meaningful way.

Conclusion: The Way Forward

If you’re serious about influencing people and making the world a better place, it’s time to ask yourself hard questions. Are you holding onto a strategy because it makes you feel good? Or are you committed to finding an approach that actually works?

If you truly want to change hearts and minds, you need to connect with people on a human level. Embrace love, compassion, and understanding. Drop the ego, and focus on the goal. When you do that, you’ll start seeing real, lasting change.

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Thanks for reading

Hope to speak to you soon

Dan Munro