Cure Nice Guy Syndrome by being unpleasant

When I started investigating how I was unable to express emotions as a Nice Guy (alexithymia), I observed a theme.

All the emotions that could be described with the word “dis-” in the front of it are the ones that I most struggled to express, e.g.

  • disagreement
  • dislike
  • disinterest
  • disgust
  • distrust
  • disappointment

All the disses were the hardest ones for me to put out there.

These represented all the emotions that I was most ashamed of or threatened by, like anger, confusion, hate, and sadness. They were all the emotional states that were most likely to spark off conflict or rejection. To show these meant to risk hurting someone else’s feelings.

And what I realized is that anytime I did express those emotions, I was no longer being a nice guy.

So if you’re looking to recover from nice guy syndrome / people-pleasing syndrome, you can set yourself a little task: at least once per day express one of the disses, openly and honestly, in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable.

And just know that in that moment, you’re no longer people pleasing

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One Response

  1. I should emphasize that you must honestly have these feelings to express them; just being contrarian won’t cure your nice guy syndrome

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