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Core Values List for Confident Integrity: Examples and Definitions

I’m gonna give you a list of potential core values with examples and definitions, for those of you who might struggle to come up with them on your own and need a head start.

I’ve previously given you a method for figuring out your own core values, but sometimes we need training wheels. When I first started my own core value work, I took a list off the internet, like 20 words, and over time I identified which ones don’t apply to me and what I need to change about them, and so on.

But starting with a blank page was too hard for me. So I don’t want you to have to start with a blank page either. I’m gonna give you some of the ones that are my own personal ones, but more importantly ones that I see consistently come up with people over and over again, when they do this work.

 


 

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Full transcript (unedited)

I’m gonna give you a list of potential core values with examples and definitions. For those of you who might struggle to come up with them on your own and need a little kind of Headstart. previously given you a method for figuring out your own core values, but sometimes we need training wheels, I mean, when I first started my own core value work, I took this list off the internet, like 20 words, and overtime, sort of identified which ones don’t apply to me and what I need to change about them, and so on. But starting with a blank page was too hard for me. So I don’t want you to have to start with a blank page either. I’m gonna give you some of the ones that are my own personal ones. But more importantly, ones that I see consistently come up with people over and over again, when they do this work. I don’t think all core values are totally universal. But it does seem like, shall we say, decent people who are trying to make the world a better place, tend to share a lot of the same values. So a lot of the ones I’ll share in this video, I’ve seen a lot of people use them a lot of the time to have a good life. What can I say? Call them the opinion. So I’ve identified six that I live by, or at least keep top of mind most of the time. And basically, I’ve found that if I’m living consistently by all six, I have a great life. And if one or more of them are dropping off, I start to feel suffering. Of in the state of looking for an even better truth. It starts with the principle that I don’t really know anything for certain there’s so kradic principle, this idea that I’m never at my top possible potential performance, that I never know everything that I could know that I could always be better, I could always be wiser. And also holding on to the idea that I definitely believe things that are untrue. I’m just not sure what they are until it’s proven wrong. So I need to be looking to be proven wrong as often as possible. And he’s be constantly learning and investigating and open and taking my time with information to sift through it skeptically to find out what’s real. So curiosity has served me very well. It’s one of my soft values. It’s one of the ones I’ve always had naturally without having to try particularly hard and it doesn’t cause me much discomfort. Some people stubborn sort of, or arrogant or strong willed people curiosity as a hard value. It’s hard for them to open their mind admit to being wrong, and so on. But I think it’s pretty fair to say they’re being curious is a pretty good value for having a good life. Because you’re always looking for a better solution. You’re always looking for more information that’s going to be helpful. You’re always getting to know people deeper, be pretty hard to see how that would lead to a worse life than staying close minded. My next one is courage. Courage does not mean being fearless because fearlessness requires no courage. Courage is you do the thing you’re afraid of doing and you actually have an increase of discomfort and fear sensations at both the thought of doing it and and the actual action of doing it. Basically, you know, there’s that old saying everything you want is on the other side of fear. I believe most of our fears are irrational and unhelpful. And therefore being courageous often gets us to a better position often gets us to a higher place of well being a better quality of life, higher self confidence. And it’s kind of the most fundamental pillar of confidence itself, like Being courageous is half your job done when it comes to being confident if you will always push yourself to do the thing you’re scared of doing, you’ll just feel confident in that alone. And you can of course, add to this with more values. But courage means choosing the uncomfortable option, choosing the healthy meal over the tasty one, it means talking to the person rather than hiding in the corner. Alright means applying for the job that’s out of your league rather than just taking whatever your cousin gets you just looking for this slightly pushed option. You don’t need to be terrified, but just your heart beats a little bit, it gets a bit hot, you’d rather not do it. But you know it’s right for you. Again, you’d be hard pressed to convince me that being a coward leads to the best possible life in the long run. Fact, I’ve just seen too much evidence of the opposite of people who are cowardly, in avoiding risk all their lives end up in the worst possible positions in terms of health, wealth and relationships. Honesty was a hard value for me is now a natural one. But it was the hardest. And honesty is really simple. My words and my actions align with what I believe is the truth in my head. I do not deliberately deceive or lie. I don’t give an impression. That doesn’t match who I really think of myself as in the inside. It’s this idea that if someone was to read my journal, they wouldn’t be surprised by what they saw on there. If they knew me, well, you know, they wouldn’t see a contradiction. The different situations that see the same guy turning up this consistency, they could predict me easily What I’m going to say and what I’m going to do, because I consistently act according to my own truth, and therefore, my behavior is consistent, but generally just means speaking my mind, especially when it’s confrontational, especially when the reaction is unlikely to be awesome. That’s when honesty really counts the most. Now, this one’s much more hotly debated, I think in terms of quality of life, a lot of people think that some dishonesty is required to have a good life, I’ve actually got a separate piece where I debunk all the arguments against honesty. For now, I’ll just say, of all the values have ever worked with on myself to others, I have yet to find one that does more good for your life. However, if you’ve been dishonest prior to this, honestly, he’s going to have to wreck what you’ve built first, in case he may lose friends, you may need to change jobs, you might even have to move. But once everything’s corrected, you’ll find that honesty creates the best results. And if I was to say courage was the main pillar of confidence, honesty is the finishing touches. Honesty is where you have complete alignment with your sense of self that doesn’t feel like any of their breaking apart their dissonance, that split personality that comes when you’re fake with others. And you’ve got to separate truth on the inside, when that is one thing, when what comes out of your mouth matches with what’s on the inside. There’s just this great sense of well being and freedom and safety that comes from it. Except it’s one of my heart values, I’ve really struggled to accept things. And acceptance means letting go of what I cannot control. So first identifying what I can’t control or should not try to control because it’s not worth it. And then letting it go, letting it be making no effort to put an influence. And if anything, acceptance is an absence of action, or a redirection towards different actions, allowing people to have whatever action they want to have to what I’ve said, you know, waiting patiently for the immigration service to do their part of the paperwork, because nothing I do will hurry them along anyway. You know, taking time off from the gym, because I’ve got an injury, these are all acts of acceptance, where I don’t fight against reality, I don’t fight a war that I can’t win or that it isn’t my fight, it isn’t the thing I want to die for. And I just let it go, even though it bothers me, let’s say of all the values I’ve got currently, this is the one I fall down on the most. Next one I’ve got is respect. My definition of respect is live and let live. So simply means that I will let you be you. As long as that doesn’t interfere or harm me being me. It’s like we live on two properties with a fence in the middle. So there’s your on your side of the fence, I will not try and fuck with you, I will not try to undermine or discourage you or do anything to influence you away from what you think is right. But if anything you do comes over my side of the fence and does damage, then I’m going to act, I’m going to act very strongly just to get you back over the fence and no further respect is about self respect as well. Okay, so it’s not just about other people, but do I behave in a way where I’m treating myself as if I’m a person I feel respect for? Am I treating myself well? Am I being kind to myself? Am I holding myself to account to do the things I know I should be doing? These are all examples of respect. You know, classic example in my life is that I’m an atheist, and my wife is Catholic, I do absolutely nothing to try and convince her to be an atheist. So long as she does nothing to try and convince me to be a Catholic. I’ll let her do whatever she needs to do, I’ll drop her off at church got no problem with any of that stuff happening. But if she was to try and get me to believe what’s in the Bible, I’m going to argue against it until she stops. Now, we don’t actually have that problem. But that’s a great example from your respect you do you I’ll do me, we’re not harming each other. Let’s just leave it in the last of my six should be the first really responsibility. That is I own my life, and I need to make things happen to me. My life is my job, nobody else’s. I’m not a victim. I’m not dependent. I can work with others. But the leadership is mine. I have to initiate, I have to make things happen. I do not sit around waiting. It’s kind of like the opposite of acceptance in a way. Which is probably why this one is so strong being acceptance, so difficult, but it’s just not playing the victim. It’s solving a problem that is in your life, because it’s your problem. Even if someone else caused it, the solution is still yours. So responsibility also means I make other people take responsibility for themselves. So I’m not, it’s not my job to make you feel better. It’s not my job to clean up your mess and so on. But I’ll clean up my bit my mess and I’ll manage my emotions. And here are some others that come up quite a lot with my clients. Giving the definition would be something like always trying to make the situation better, behaving as if you are overflowing with resources, whatever those resources might be, and you share the excess with others. But it also means giving to yourself, if your cup is half empty, you got to fill it up before you start taking care of others, right, you’ve put your mask on before you help the child in the plane next year. So giving has also the internal element of it as well. But giving just means you go into any situation, your first thought is, how do I improve the situation, not to get anything in return. Because that’s not giving, that’s trading. But just for the joy of having lists up a little corner of the world for your own satisfaction to know I have a positive influence where I go, when it comes up a lot, assertiveness. Now, assertiveness is not the same as aggression. Aggression is I try to dominate you and control you and influence you, the serverless as I just stopped doing that stuff to me, I hold the line, kind of like what I was talking about was respect before I’ve got my property boundary. And if you start to cross it, you will be pushed back, I won’t hurt you. I’ll do minimum necessary force to keep you on your side of the fence or resist you. So assertiveness is a resistance to compromising your integrity. So when somebody tries to compromise you, you say stop, and you push back until they stop. Now, this is going to be limited by your situation and your power, but you do it to the limit of what you’ve got. In the end, they could tie you to a chair and torture you, you still don’t have to give up the information, you still don’t have to agree with the right surgeon, this means you hold true to what you believe is right. Without trying to tell others what they should think about what’s right. Presents, there’s probably lots of other words you could use for this one. This is about being in the present moment, paying attention, dealing with what is really happening. It’s actually a kind of rationality. It’s where you let go of remorse for the past and anticipate a worries about the future and you deal with what is actually happening at face value. It also means paying attention like if I’m playing with my daughter, I’m not on my phone, I just play with my daughter, that would be prisons. It means if I’m trying to figure out whether or not I can afford to buy this new car, I’m looking at my current finances, not imagining what my finances might be in the future. Whereas this in the moment, paying attention to what’s real and making decisions based on their generosity, again, and so we’re very similar to giving a lot of these values of overlap. But generosity is about assuming the best to kind of optimism. Think of like you’re arguing with someone, you could interpret what they’re saying as a malicious attack on you. Or you could interpret it is a fuddled attempt to try and be truthful. Without any malicious intent. Generosity would be choosing option B going you know what I’m gonna give you the benefit of the doubt and treat you as if deep down underneath all of this. You’re trying your best to be a good person, and of generosity of spirit, you might call it but this treating people as if their best self is somewhere in there and it’s available and also towards yourself as well. You know, if you go to the gym, you don’t say I only did nine pull ups you say well, at least you went to the gym and he gave it a go and pull ups are embarrassing to do in front of people is brave of you to do nine. That’s a generous assessment of yourself. It’s not beyond what actually happened. You’re not being falsely positive. You’re just being optimistic and you’re measuring generously what is real. Hello surprise, one to end with ruthlessness. Now again, you could use a different word for this ruthless doesn’t necessarily mean harmful. Okay, it’s just an absolute lack of tolerance for certain things. And I do believe ruthlessness is a value that is required for some people to live by. And everyone at some point in time, it is the best move forward to be ruthless. For me. Ruthless means zero tolerance for something toxic. It means the most brutal behavior needed to put a complete end to something harmful. It’s kind of like assertiveness on steroids. So ruthless might be cutting off someone who has betrayed you. Right? Ruthless might be firing 10 of your employees because the company just requires us in order to survive, right and doing it quickly and efficiently without sugarcoating it. Sometimes ruthlessness is the healthiest move forward, that everyone involved on average, it’s just got to be done. You can’t be a great leader without being ruthless. So those are just some examples of the common kinds of values that come up with my coaching work. And of course, my own personal values, which I’m going to be skewed towards and think of awesome, of course, because they’re my ones. But I encourage you to pick and choose and decide for yourself. You can even experiment with all of them and see which ones kind of catch your attention and feel great. And which ones feel like you’re addressing long sustained problems that you should have addressed a long time ago. And then of course, you can develop them you might change the word you might change the meaning of the definition until it feels more you and if you Finding this work difficult and you want some help to make it clear and simple so you know what you need to do tomorrow to have integrity get in touch dan@brojo.org And my coaching will help make this crystal clear

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Thanks for reading

Hope to speak to you soon

Dan Munro

 

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