Hey guys what’s the haps?
I’ve been pondering lately about what confidence actually is and I’ve decided in my infinite wisdom that it is made up of the components below. Basically, if you are experiencing all of these every single day, then consider yourself to be in possession of true inner confidence. Of course, if you are truly confident then you don’t need me to tell you!
I think people often mistake confidence for two other things: being arrogant, or being extroverted. Neither of these things are the same as solid inner confidence. There are plenty of quietly confident people out there – you don’t need to be loud – as well as plenty of extroverted people with insecurities. And arrogance is the opposite of confidence, because it is based on thinking you are better than other people. This means that you must be comparing yourself to others, which a person confident in themselves would never feel the need to do.
I believe I’ve identified the top 6 factors that combine to create unbreakable inner confidence, check them out below and let me know what you think.
Try rating yourself on a scale of one to five for each of them, and if you score below three for any, those may be your weak areas that are undermining your confidence. Email me for tips on how to improve in any of these areas:
COURAGE
The ability to face your fears. Courage is not the absence of fear; it is the ability to act in spite of fear. In fact true courage, under the umbrella of confidence, is actively seeking out situations to face your fears. Consciously facing your fears on a consistent and frequent basis is a sure-fire way to increase overall confidence. This means looking for situations that make you feel afraid, anxious, nervous or uncomfortable, and exposing yourself to these on purpose order to change the way you feel about them.
Examples:
- Taking opportunities to deliver training sessions at your work when you have a fear of public speaking
- Approaching and meeting strangers whilst sober
- Entering a triathlon
COMPETENCE
Competence means having the sufficient ability/skill to perform a task. Regarding confidence, competence really means feeling like you have the ability to take on any challenge, even unfamiliar ones. So for confidence this is not so much about acquiring specific skills, but acquiring yet more courage to face situations that you have little or no skills in. One way to do this is to learn lots of different things so that you have a wide range of transferable skills.
Example:
- Looking for a new hobby every 6 months that is totally out of your comfort zone and you have to start at the beginner level
- Getting a new qualification every year by correspondence while you work full time
- Saying Yes to any opportunity to try something unusual
INTEGRITY
Confident people have nothing to hide, including their emotions. Confident people are always honest and maintain a high level of integrity, meaning that they can be trusted, they follow up on their word and they try at all times to be open. The reason they have high integrity is because they have high self-worth. They truly believe that they are right and worthy, so they will never accept that they have to hide something about themselves. Dishonesty never feels like an option they would bother to consider.
Example:
- Telling someone who asks you out that you simply do not find them attractive rather than giving them some excuse
- Disagreeing with your boss
- Admitting when you are wrong to someone who might hold it against you
For more on integrity, check out this post: How to be honest in all situations
AMBITION
Confidence gives people a paradoxical combination of contentment and ambition. They are simultaneously happy with their lives yet at the same time always looking to improve. An ambitious person wants to succeed in all areas in life and will not accept any barriers put in their way. They also never stop improving, for the confident person there is always another level to achieve, and they feel always compelled to conquer. Yet they are satisfied with themselves at all times as well.
Example:
- Planning how you will become a master for every new hobby you take up, and sticking to that plan
- Goal setting a weight or body shape target and thrashing yourself at the gym until you achieve it
- A millionaire undertaking coaching from a billionaire on how to expand their empire.
ASSERTIVENESS
Confidence is about knowing what you stand for and not compromising in your ideals. It doesn’t mean forcing your beliefs down other people’s throats – a confident person doesn’t care whether or not you agree with him/her. This person will not bend to others’ beliefs and will not be compromised. They can still listen to reason and choose to change their beliefs in light of new or compelling evidence, but when they are sure they are right they will not be moved. A confident person also feels entitled to what they deserve and will go and get it.
Example:
- Asking your boss for a promotion
- Telling a complete stranger that they have inconvenienced you
- Setting clear boundaries with a new partner even if it means losing them
BEING UNAFFECTED
It’s already been discussed in the other sections, but I have to emphasise that confident people are so sure of themselves that they are basically unaffected by other people’s views of them. It’s not like they consciously go “I’m not going to listen to him, he’s just being a dick”, they actually don’t care enough about another person’s judgement enough to even have that thought. This is not the same as being unwilling to listen to feedback, a confident person will always seek out feedback to improve themselves, but they will never care about someone being judgmental.
Examples:
- Laughing when someone is trying to bully you, genuinely being amused at their pathetic attempts
- Having no doubt in your mind about your actions even if 200 other people actively hate you for it
- Ignoring someone having a tantrum aimed at you
If you are really dedicated to removing the obstacles in your life through increasing inner confidence, give serious thought to having some coaching with me. We can do a free, no obligation session to start with, where I will help you identify where your biggest confidence barriers lie and how you will be able to overcome them. Don’t wait to address confidence issues because they only get worse over time, not better, if you don’t actively try to address them.
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