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Nice Guy Coaching: What to expect

So, you’re a Nice Guy… If you’ve been doing some online research about Nice Guy Syndrome, or maybe read Dr Robert Glover’s book No More Mr Nice Guy (or similar), you might be starting to consider getting some support for making the changes you want to make. Identifying that you have Nice Guy Syndrome is half the battle, but if Read More

The Responsibility Hypocrisy in Nice Guy relationships

A guy I was coaching was really upset with his partner because she wasn’t taking responsibility for what she needed to do and was getting herself into all kinds of issues. It’s common for Nice Guys to get irritable, frustrated and even outraged by their partner’s failures to take care of themselves, even when such failures have no direct consequences Read More

Middle aged Nice Guys

There’s a lot of different types of Nice Guys, and there’s a certain type that come to me for confidence and integrity work in their middle-age, late 30s, 40s, sometimes 50s. These are a particularly unfortunate type of Nice Guy. The reason they come to me later in life is because being nice has actually kind of worked well enough Read More

Nice Guys: Supporting vs Fixing

One of the key things all nice guys and people pleasers need to learn is the difference between supporting and fixing. What people pleasers usually do is fixing. It looks like we’re trying to help and give advice and support the person, but what we’re really trying to do is control them to behave in a way that we feel Read More

Tired of being good to ungrateful people?

There’s a meme going around at the moment which says: “I don’t care what anyone says, Good People get tired of being good to ungrateful people.” It’s very popular. Whenever I peruse the comments section, it’s full of people who clearly see themselves as selfless givers who aren’t being appreciated and have had enough. I get the feeling. But this Read More

[Short] There are no solutions; only trade-offs

The other day I saw political commentator Konstantin Kisin talking about how there are no solutions, there are just “trade-offs”. He was talking about how when you vote for one policy, you must accept there will be negative downsides (i.e. different problems), and that all policies have this issue. I’ve never thought about it this way before, and it’s so Read More

[Short] Stop walking on eggshells

One of my common “types” of coaching clients are Nice Guy Husbands. And one of their regular issues is that they “walk on eggshells” around their partners (and others). Walking on eggshells is the term we use to describe moderating ourselves, taking extra care, and holding back what we really think around certain people who we believe will react “badly” Read More

[Short] I got into trouble and it was a helpful Nice Guy reminder

I recently got myself into a little tax-related drama… It was not intentional on my part. I made some mistakes and didn’t understand the rules of the new country I live in. I got myself into a pretty uncomfortable position with taxes and getting that sorted out, and I’m going to be in some trouble and pay some fines. Yet Read More

[Short] Good advice but bad intentions

I have a client whose ex-partner was recently giving him some advice on what he should do, and he could tell that she had her own agenda for giving this advice – that if he were to follow this advice, it would be actually in her best interest. And so he was going to dismiss her advice for that reason. Read More

[Short] Success is a recipe, not a quick fix

One of my clients is really frustrated. He started getting up earlier (or at least he did it once) and it worked kind of well, but it didn’t solve all of his problems. So he felt like he was going back to square one; going back to the drawing board. This is what I call the Nice Guy Short Circuit. Read More

[Short] How perfectionism sabotages the efforts of achieving nice guys

High-achieving Nice Guys have a particular trait that holds them back more than just about anything else. It’s a kind of perfectionism, where if something doesn’t go really well right away, they already start to think that it’s not right for them or that they’re not good at it, and they start looking for new ideas (and eventually give up). Read More

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