Anxiety is a conspiracy theory about yourself

I heard a fucking good quote the other day: “Anxiety is like having conspiracy theories about yourself” Mel Robbins One of the biggest changes I’ve noticed in my life since working on Nice Guy recovery and building my confidence is that my anxiety has basically gone away. I used to be anxious all the time, and I do mean all Read More

Effective journaling tips for personal growth

Why people don’t journal Journaling is one of the most neglected practices I see in my clients when it comes to building confidence and generally developing yourself. One of the main reasons is that they don’t feel any immediate benefits from doing it. Usually, this is because either they’re doing it in a way that does not benefit them (e.g. Read More

Do you feel “behind” in social skills and confidence?

When I was younger, especially in my teens and early twenties, I really struggled with a sense of being “behind” everybody, socially speaking, and especially romantically. I felt like everyone was so far ahead of me. They “got it” and I didn’t. They were maturing and developing while I was stuck feeling like a clueless 13 year old well into Read More

[Short] The downside to not caring what people think of you

Not caring what other people think of you is certainly a state of confidence that’s preferable to worrying about other people’s opinions all the time. After more than a decade of difficult confidence building work, I now enjoy being in this position of genuinely not caring what others think of me, and have been looking forward to this my whole Read More

[Short] An easier way to make hard decisions

When trying to make even basic decisions, it can become really confusing in your mind when you start to ask questions like what’s right versus wrong? What’s good versus bad? This morality model of making decisions is actually really unhelpful. There are too many possible answers. If you want to be able to make decisions quicker, decisions that you feel Read More

[Short] Introverted is not the same as Avoidant

A lot of introverts think that being introverted as some sort of social barrier, that you lack in some way socially. But I think this is because being introverted is often conflated with being avoidant, which is actually an anti-social trait, and not a permanent one at that. I’ve heard many hundreds of people talking about shyness or distaste for Read More

[Short] What the video game Need For Speed taught me about confidence

I used to enjoy the video game Need for Speed. One of the things you could do in that game is you could set it up so that a “ghost car” drove next to you and showed you how to perfectly do the race. You’d try to stay in line with a car that’s racing the ideal way. And I Read More

[Short] Catching a bad day before it happens

One of the simplest ways to dramatically improve your quality of life is to do something that we call “stamping out the embers”. A bad mood or a bad day starts as something small that you allow to escalate. There are always these “embers” that warn you of a coming fire, a small precursor that you know from experience usually Read More

[Short] The real reason why you don’t want to celebrate your birthday

Some people, myself included, say that having a birthday is meaningless. “It’s just a number, it’s just an arbitrary date that humans made up.” But a coaching client of mine had a good insight about this. He thinks that people who are resistant to their birthday, even if it’s in a ‘rational’ way, are actually resistant to having their life Read More


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