There are two realities.
The first is the actual reality that is observed by your senses. What you see, hear, smell etc. Beyond some basic interpretation in your brain, like labelling and naming, this is fundamental reality as we know it.
The second reality is what we add in our minds to the first reality. These are our assumptions, guesses, judgments, narratives and conclusions about the raw data we’ve observed.
And it’s in Reality #2 where nearly all of your suffering occurs… and only there.
If someone yawns while you’re talking, their mouth moving in the shape of what you know to be a “yawn” is ALL that has happened.
The story in your head about how “they’re bored with me” or “they need more sleep” or “they’re trying to disrespect me in front of everyone” is complete and utter bullshit.
Even if you’re right, it’s only a coincidence. Nothing that happens in this fantasy world is based on evidence, reason or logic. It’s all just emotion, trauma and fear shouting at you.
Simply put, you’re nearly always wrong, at least a little bit.
But you can’t prevent this from happening. The human brain is wired to reduce investigation efforts by making educated guesses and assumptions.
The problem is, in our modern age, this system often does more harm than good. This system was designed to avoid life-threatening risks during a time where humans were in the middle of the food chain. It no longer applies.
Curiosity is the key here.
If you start, in all situations, with the basic understanding that you are probably wrong in your assumptions, even when the “evidence” seems compelling, you will be more open to the truth.
Ask them why they’re yawning. Ask yourself for better explanations based on the evidence. Assume that taking things personally is egotistical, and that maybe the world doesn’t revolve around you.
You’ll quickly notice better explanations for why things happen, and you’ll see that nearly all the time there is no real threat.
Dan’s Top Resources
Dan has 3 bestselling non-fiction books available in both written and audio form:
- The Naked Truth, his latest release, shows you how radical honesty builds self-confidence and relationships
- Nothing to Lose explores how to build confidence from the inside by correcting the programming in your brain
- The Legendary Life is a very practical, action-focused guide on how to plan and execute a life plan that brings you your ideal lifestyle
Dan continues to put out high quality online self-paced courses through the Udemy platform
- Nice Guy Recovery: how to transform from a people pleaser into a confident beast.
- Shamelessness: how to relieve yourself of the “not good enough” story
- Powerful Honesty: takes you through step-by-step development of your communication skills to be more charismatic and powerful in your honesty
- The 3X Confidence and Authenticity Masterclass program: use the famous 3X Model to build confidence in all areas of life
- Financial Freedom for Beginners: includes everything from budgeting, to getting a raise, to investing in the stock market, to starting a side-business and more
- Overcoming Your Fear of Rejection… Permanently!: covers the psychology of “rejection” and what actions to take to make yourself immune to the fear of it