Niceness Feels Good…But It Destroys Growth
As a former nice guy—or should I say a recovering nice guy—who spent over two decades being incredibly nice, I speak with some authority when I say that being nice is a completely bullshit way of being.
It actually does more harm than good.
Let’s start by defining what being nice even means.
Nice means trying to make somebody else happy, trying to make them more comfortable, or trying to make their life easier.
And I know—it sounds good.
It sounds like a good thing to do.
But being nice enables bad behavior.
For someone to change for the better, they need to go through what’s called a crisis.
They need to experience enough pain to realize, “Shit, I’ve got to get my act together. I’ve got to change my behavior and improve my life.”
When you’re nice to someone who’s going through pain, you actually reduce that pain level and, quite often, what you do is reduce it just enough that it’s no longer a crisis.
And what does that do?
It condones bad behavior.
It means the person is now going to repeat what they were doing—because it doesn’t feel quite bad enough to change.
Niceness—or making someone feel better—essentially removes the necessary motivation people require to improve their behavior.
That’s why people who are surrounded by nice people all the time… tend to stay the same.
To dive deeper into this topic, check out the original video here:
2 Responses
Do you think being “nice” can actually prevent people from changing or growing? Have you ever helped someone so much that you accidentally enabled their bad behavior?
Being overly nice can sometimes have a negative impact on our mental well-being. We often become so focused on pleasing others and seeking their appreciation that we neglect our own happiness and needs. In the process of making everyone else happy, we may lose sight of what truly matters to us. It can also make us hesitant to question others’ beliefs, opinions, or actions, even when doing so is important. Maintaining kindness is valuable, but it should not come at the cost of our self-respect, personal growth, or emotional health.