Sometimes staying on your path after saying “No” can feel awkward.

An example from a client last week: He’s been going to a dance class for a long time, and one of the women there started hitting on him. He has a partner, so he has to reject her, but he doesn’t know how she’ll take it.

What he does know is that she’ll keep coming to the class, so now he’s in a situation where whatever he does won’t lead to a comfortable outcome.

If he cheats on his partner, that would be uncomfortable; if he rejects the woman, that’s uncomfortable too. And every time he sees her after that, it’s going to be awkward. This is the big story playing in his head.

The problem is, if he changes how he shows up to the class now, he’s letting her manipulate him, whether she means to or not. He’s adjusting his behaviour to avoid awkwardness, and that shifts his path.

A confident person, on the other hand, would think: “Okay, awkwardness is part of the path now.” They would see the obstacle as the way forward.

What’s most important isn’t exactly how he rejects the woman or the words he uses—it’s that he shows up to class as if nothing has changed.

I don’t mean pretending nothing happened, but continuing with the behaviour he would’ve done if the situation hadn’t occurred.

The key point here is: this isn’t an event that should cause him to adjust his behaviour. Deciding not to continue with an activity just because someone else there makes him feel awkward—that’s manipulation. And that’s not in his best interest.

To dive deeper into this topic, check out the original video here: