So what’s the cure to being a Nice Guy with an avoidant attachment style?

Well, there are a number of different approaches you can take, depending on how this manifests for you.

One thing is to step back from the spotlight — especially if you’re the entertainer type.

If you’re the kind of person who always tries to steal the glory, be the funniest, put on a show…you know, when you show up, it’s go time — start quieting down a little bit.

Let somebody else be the one who tells the jokes.

Let somebody else be the one who impresses everyone.

Let somebody else win.

Try to get comfortable with not impressing people — as a way of not only releasing the need to be liked, but also letting go of your habit of keeping people at a distance through performance.

Start being one of the crowd, rather than the one on stage.

For me, this meant stopping the comedy.

I was doing other stuff too — being impressive at work, playing in a band, all of that —
but the big one for me was: stop telling jokes all the fucking time like I’m Chandler from Friends.

Let serious conversations happen.

Let people have arguments with each other.

Don’t always have the last word.

Don’t always be the funny one.

That was very difficult for me to let go of.

Start sharing your darker emotions — your weaknesses, your faults, your fears.

At first, you’ll struggle to put this into words.

Like me, you might just call it “stress.”

You’ll always say, “I’m stressed.”

But even just starting to say “I’m stressed” — is a big step forward.

To dive deeper into this topic, check out the original video here: