When you feel no attraction for your date

A client of mine just flicked through a quick message. He says, I met a girl, we had a great chat, but I don’t have attraction 1. Is it okay to mention that? and, 2. is it okay not to get her number? In other words, what do you do next when you’ve met someone new but realised you don’t Read More

A feminist journalist triggered my Imposter Syndrome

Let’s talk about Imposter Syndrome. If this term is new to you, it basically describes the self-doubting fear that you are secretly a fraud, and that you’ll be exposed if you’re not careful, even though you’re trying your best to provide value and have no evidence to suggest that you are deceiving anyone or lacking in skill. When I first Read More

The Avalanche Threat: Fear’s sneaky trick

One of the many sneaky tricks that fear plays on us is a kind of catastrophizing that I’ve come to call The Avalanche Threat. It’s the terrifying sense that if you even take a tiny little step in a direction of change, you’ll create an Avalanche; a knock-on effect of uncontrollable consequences that you won’t be able to stop. And Read More

The weird urge for Nice Guys to self harm

A weird part of Nice Guy Syndrome is what I call “the masochism impulse”; the desire to do self harm. Now it’s not classic self-harm behaviours, like cutting yourself or attempting suicide. It’s more subtle, like random risk-taking behaviours, provoking potential conflicts, sabotaging your career, or eating unhealthy food and taking drugs. I used to drink so much that it Read More

Can nice guys attract a woman?

A question about Nice Guys I see asked a lot is, can a nice guy actually attract a woman? Do guys with nice guy syndrome actually have dating experiences and get into relationships? The answer is of course they do, but not all of them. Only a certain type. Most nice guys struggle when it comes to dating and relationships. Read More

Afraid of being too sexy??

I had a client say that he was afraid of being sexy! This might sound a little ridiculous on the surface, but he’s actually expressing a fairly common fear: that you will mistakenly lead someone on by attracting them and causing them to feel interested in you against your will. They will then develop feelings for you without your encouragement, Read More

Forgive yourself for being manipulated

If you’ve ever been in a manipulative relationship, or been conned, bullied, or abused, then you know the real damage done is your loss of self trust. There’s something about getting “got” – about being successfully manipulated by others – that makes you doubt yourself. I think one of the main reasons people are so hurt by being cheated on Read More

Using ChatGPT and connections to find your perfect job

Today’s post is random and kind of off-topic for me: a practical tip on how to develop your career using technology. So I’ve played around with ChatGPT a few times. It’s good for some things, not so good for others. And an idea came up in a recent session with a client of mine who wants to pursue a more Read More

How to change your relationship without drama

While ending a relationship is pretty difficult, it’s at least straightforward. There’s no negotiation. You’re just delivering bad news. As my coaching client recently experienced, changing a relationship to better suit your preferences as a harder transition. In his case, she clearly wants more intimacy and commitment than he’s currently willing to give. But he wants to maintain a relationship Read More

The resource more valuable than time

You’ll quite often hear that time is the most valuable resource. I disagree. Unlike, say, money or strength, everybody’s exactly got the same amount of time. I don’t mean lifespan, but hours per day. No matter how you behave, you still get 24 hours a day, just like Elon Musk or Beyonce or the homeless dude down the street. How Read More