This video is part 4 of a 6-part series on self love.

Let’s look at the differences between anxiety and nervousness, because they are not the same experience, and one is more harmful than the other.

I’m suggesting that anxiety leads to stress due to its focus on uncontrollable future events, while nervousness, which involves immediate, controllable situations, does not.

Anxiety is a form of self-punishment. Choosing to be nervous about manageable, present tasks instead can be an act of self-love.

This video also criticizes modern societal structures, such as nine-to-five jobs and social media, for causing stress and disconnection, advocating for a return to more natural, connected living.

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Anxiety vs Nervousness: How Understanding the Difference Can Lead to Less Stress

Lately, I’ve been exploring an interesting mental experiment: the difference between anxiety and nervousness. Someone once said that there are really only four core emotions—mad, sad, glad, and afraid—and everything else is just a variation of these. I tend to agree, especially when it comes to anxiety and nervousness. Both are types of fear, but they’re not the same thing. In fact, understanding the difference can help reduce stress and allow us to manage these feelings more effectively.

At their core, anxiety and nervousness are just two points on the fear spectrum. We give them names based on how we experience them, but there’s a subtle but important distinction between the two. In my experience, nervousness doesn’t cause stress, but anxiety does. Let’s dive into why that is.

Temporal Focus: What’s Happening vs. What Might Happen

One of the key differences between anxiety and nervousness is the focus of your thoughts. Nervousness is always about something that is happening or is about to happen. It’s rooted in the present moment. For example, when I’m about to go on stage, I’m nervous because I’m focusing on the immediate reality of the situation: the audience is there, my name is on the call sheet, and it’s my turn to perform. It’s real and happening now.

Anxiety, on the other hand, is usually about something that hasn’t happened yet. If I lie awake the night before my performance, I might start imagining all sorts of scenarios where things go wrong—people judging me, my performance falling flat, and so on. These fears aren’t based in reality. They’re projections of what might happen in the future. The stage isn’t there, the audience isn’t there, and none of the things I’m worrying about have even occurred.

When you’re anxious, you’re caught up in your mind, imagining a worst-case scenario that doesn’t exist yet. That’s a big part of what makes anxiety so stressful—it’s all about what might happen, not what actually is happening.

Control: What You Can Do vs. What You Can’t

Another key distinction between anxiety and nervousness is the element of control. Nervousness is often tied to things you can control. For example, I might be nervous about giving a speech, worrying if I’ll get the words right, if my point will come across clearly, or if I’ll be believable. These are things within my control. I can rehearse, focus, and do my best to make sure everything goes smoothly.

Anxiety, however, is different. It’s focused on things you can’t control. You start to worry about whether people will like you, whether they’ll judge you, or whether something will go terribly wrong despite your best efforts. These thoughts aren’t productive. They focus on external factors that are beyond your control. You can’t make everyone like you, and you can’t control how an audience will react.

Because anxiety is tied to uncontrollable factors, it often leads to stress. You’re focusing on things that are outside of your hands, and there’s nothing you can do about them. On the other hand, nervousness, while still uncomfortable, can be managed. It’s about focusing on what’s right in front of you, something that you can control and act on in the present moment.

The Paradox: Anxiety Is Stagnant, Nervousness Is Energizing

Here’s where things get interesting: while anxiety feels paralyzing, nervousness can actually be exhilarating. Have you ever been nervous before a big event—say, jumping off a bungee bridge, performing on stage, or asking someone out? Nervousness in these situations can be thrilling, because it’s a sign that you’re fully alive and engaged in what’s happening right now. It’s not the same as anxiety, which is just a fearful cycle running in your mind.

Nervousness can be an energy boost, even if it feels uncomfortable. In fact, if you can reframe nervousness and focus on the things you can control, it can be a source of motivation and excitement. Anxiety, on the other hand, is just a mental loop of “what if” scenarios that leads nowhere. It’s a dead-end, a cycle that exhausts you without providing any productive energy.

Choosing Nervousness Over Anxiety

If you understand that nervousness is a natural part of life and can be used productively, you’ll start to see anxiety for what it really is: a choice. It’s a choice to focus on something that hasn’t happened yet, and to worry about things you can’t control. Instead, you have the option to shift your attention to something smaller, something you can control right now, and get to work on that. Even if it makes you nervous, it’s a step forward.

Think of anxiety like being dragged down a raging river. There’s nothing you can do to stop it, and you’re just gasping for air as you try to stay afloat. But you do have a choice. You can paddle to the side of the river and find something within your control to focus on. This doesn’t mean eliminating fear altogether—it just means finding a way to ground yourself in the present and focus on the small things that you can actually do something about.

For example, people often lie awake worrying about big, global issues like climate change. Meanwhile, they’ve got emails to answer, laundry to fold, or tasks to complete. It’s easy to get stuck in the “big problem” in our heads, but it’s much more empowering to tackle something small and tangible. Answer that email. Take care of that little task. It’s not glamorous, but it’s real, and it brings a sense of control back into your life.

The Modern World and Our Struggle with Stress

It’s important to recognize that the world we live in today isn’t exactly conducive to mental well-being. Our brains were built for a different kind of existence—one that was rooted in nature, in small communities, and in physical activity. Modern society, with its concrete jungles, constant digital stimulation, and disconnection from nature, is a poor fit for our minds. The result? Stress, burnout, and a sense of meaninglessness.

We’re constantly bombarded with information, whether it’s from our phones, computers, or the news. Our social connections are more digital than face-to-face, and we often find ourselves following someone else’s rules or expectations rather than developing our own philosophy of life. This mismatch between our evolutionary biology and the world we live in is a major source of stress.

Taking Care of Yourself in a Stressful World

So, what can we do to take care of ourselves in such a stressful world? The first step is to acknowledge the ways in which modern life isn’t serving us. Whether it’s the overstimulation of technology or the disconnection from nature and meaningful human interaction, we need to make conscious choices to combat these stressors.

But even beyond that, we need to allow ourselves space to process our emotions. Instead of reaching for distractions like video games or social media to numb our stress, we need to give ourselves permission to sit with our feelings, reflect, and address the things that truly matter. You wouldn’t tell a loved one to avoid processing their emotions, so why do we do it to ourselves?

Ultimately, the key to reducing stress is to choose nervousness over anxiety. Focus on what you can control right now, take small, manageable steps, and stop worrying about things you have no power over. Life will always have its challenges, but by embracing nervousness and letting go of anxiety, we can navigate them with greater ease and more peace of mind.

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Thanks for reading

Hope to speak to you soon

Dan Munro