A confidence building measurement trick

My clients can usually split into 2 different categories:

There are those who aren’t doing enough in terms of living with integrity, and that’s why they have confidence problems.

And then there are others who are doing enough, but they measure themselves as not doing enough so their measurement system kills their confidence. And these people are the ones I want to talk about today.

What they do is they measure what did not happen.

They went to the gym and they did 10 pull-ups, but the goal was 15. So they measure themselves as doing minus 5 pull ups… but they did 10 pull ups, so that measurement makes no sense!

They went and asked a girl out and she said no, so they measure themselves as “got rejected”, when actually going up and asking her out took all this courage and was a validation of their own worth, not to mention it’s so much more than doing nothing at all. How is that a failure?

There’s always more you could imagine doing. Results can always be presented as less than something else you can fantasize about getting.

But confidence is about aligning with reality. The only thing to measure is what you actually did, how closely that aligned with your core values, and the long term results you’re seeing from consistently behaving in this way. That’s all there is to measure!

For a lot of you, your confidence issues are just measuring what didn’t happen instead of what did, and you’re actually mostly on track.

One Response

  1. This all comes from a limiting belief that being hard on yourself leads to improvement… there’s no evidence to support this idea!

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