I have created an article on managing manipulation for under30CEO.com.

For now, here’s a light version of the main styles of negative manipulation and how you can manage them to stay in control of your world.

There are four main types of manipulation and I used to be subjected to these every day, so I will quickly go through each and share the basic tips on how to first identify and then manage these.

1) AGGRESSION AND INTIMIDATION

Warning signs:

– loud voice

– getting in too close

– forceful and sustained eye-contact

– threatening body language

– interruptions

Strategies to manage it:

– remain emotionally unaffected

– stand your ground but don’t escalate or fight back

– listen carefully to what they are saying and reflect back

– think ‘stamina’, and just try to outlast them

2) INVALIDATION

Warning signs:

– insulting your abilities

– asking to speak to someone else about the same issue

– questioning your motives and actions

– looking at you as if you are stupid

Strategies:

– call them out on what they are doing

– hold a strong inner frame that you are right, and anyone who doubts you must be crazy

– act as if they do agree with you

– do not tolerate any indirect insults, call them out asap

3) FLATTERY

Warning signs:

– compliments

– touching gently

– laughing at your jokes

– agreeing with everything you say

– allowing you to persuade them a bit too easily

Strategies:

– call them out on it “I believe you’re trying to manipulate me with flattery”

– acknowledge compliments and move on – “thanks, but anyway…”

– hold a skeptical silence following any flattery to make it uncomfortable

– deflect: “Actually, you did all the work and deserve the praise”

4) “POOR ME” AND OTHER DISTRACTIONS

Warning signs:

– endless barrage of seemingly unsolvable problems

– not stopping to listen to you, not hearing you

– complete resistance to any solutions

– constantly going off-track onto unrelated issues

Strategies:

– acknowledge and reflect so they feel heard (prevents repetition)

– stop the conversation and bring it back on track, as many times as you have to (stamina required)

– call it out “We keep going off track, let’s just focus on x for now and then come back to this”

– wait them out – patiently listen until they have nothing left

Conclusion

The keys to managing manipulation can basically be summed up into three points:

–          Always assume you are being manipulated for either good or bad, and be prepared for it.

–          Be unaffected. Manipulation only occurs when it affects your emotions. So maintain awareness of how you feel

–          When in doubt, call it out. The single most effective way to manage manipulation is to bring it out of hiding.

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