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What a lot of people think of as assertiveness is actually defensiveness. Defensiveness is where you try to convince the other person not to think negatively of you, where you defend yourself, where you try to make sure you don’t get found guilty by the court. Assertiveness is merely stating the truth. You don’t actually care if somebody else changes their mind or not, you’re not trying to convince anyone, you’re just validating your own truth. And if you switch from being defensive to being assertive, not only are you going to feel more confident, you’re going to be more convincing!