5 Life Secrets Revealed by Building Confidence – part three


Part three of the series:

Last time we explored people-pleasing, learning and support. This week there’s a real focus on what it means to TAKE ACTION.


Whatever you want in life, you can get it. Seriously.

You may be thinking “OK smart guy, what if I want to grow taller, or be made out of diamonds?” and smirk to yourself at your own clever wit. Enjoy your smirk, dumbass.

No I kid, I kid. You’re not a dumbass. Allow me to explain…

It’s not about what you want, it’s about how what you want makes you feel. As I said in the previous article of this series, reality is just the movie playing inside your head. It’s all about knowing how to make the movie play what you want.

Start thinking about why you want what you want. What internal thoughts, feelings and sensations would be achieved by getting what you want? Because those sensations are what you really want.

Start there. Figure out what kind of state of mind, belief system, and self-worth you want. Then ask yourself “What are the different ways I could achieve this?”

You may not be able to grow taller, or be made out of diamonds. But if your true desire is to feel big and strong, you could achieve that through a wide variety of methods. Learning public speaking, going to the gym, leaving your comfort zone etc.

There are a million paths to the same goal.

Most people start with materialistic wants, such as money, power and receiving love. They start here because they have been taught that these are the vehicles to get what they want.

Instead, go behind the scenes of “want” and isolate the true desire, your core values. Then work backwards from there. Forget what everyone else thinks for a minute, and ask yourself “how  do I make this happen?”

There are no rules.


Self-development comes with a subtle but terrible trap.

Reading books, watching videos, and attending seminars feels like progress, but it ain’t. If you want to become a better person, something has to change. You need to behave differently. You cannot learn without action.

All talk and no action makes Dan a dull boy.

Don’t make the mistake I made many years ago. Don’t get trapped into buying tonnes of products and services in the hope that they will magically change you. It just doesn’t work that way.

You’d be better off with all action and no information. These days, when I am vetting a new potential coaching client, I test them with actions they must take to improve their lives.

Dare I say it, but reading articles like this won’t make you confident. Even if they are written by someone as handsome as me.

To learn more about creating long-lasting internal confidence, download the free Confident Mindset Inner Circle recordings today!


“We are all diamonds, covered in horseshit, covered in nail polish”
– Michael Neill, Supercoach

I firmly believe that you are born confident. I use the term building confidence with my clients, because they understand what that means. But in truth what we do is rediscover confidence.

Your natural authentic self is confident. The problem is that you didn’t get to choose your upbringing and childhood influences. You had no idea that people were going to let you down.

As you grew up, those around you piled their fears, misinformation and lies on top of you. You soaked them up like the little sponge you were. Before you realised what was happening, you were already chock-full of other peoples’ crap.

As you got older, you started to dislike how you were turning out. It wasn’t feeling right. So you tried to make it look good, weaving in the conditioned fears of others with your original sense of self. What a mess!

The key to finding confidence is more about undoing what you’ve learned than learning something new. Often that means learning something new to replace something old.

On your journey to confidence, try to uncover what you’ve already got, rather than fill a hole. There is no hole, just a pile of horseshit. Get your spade out and go to work. Start with what you’re afraid of and go from there.


You were born with a compass inside your head. This compass will always point towards a meaningful life. It never goes off track… but you can still get lost.

The compass is Passion. You are perfectly designed for something very specific. Whatever that thing is will be unique to you. For me, at least right now, it’s coaching. For you, it could be anything.

The way to find it is to listen to your heart. Once you’ve finished doing that, listen to your head, where the voices are actually coming from (the heart is just a pump people, stop being so romantic).

Which activities do you simply lose yourself in? What makes you so attentive and happy that time just flies past? Explore what you love the most, because that’s what the compass is pointing at.

School taught you to believe that only certain paths lead to success. Have you ever stopped to consider whether or not school knew the answer? Does a teacher really know what’s best for you, when you’re just one kid in a class of 30? Did the structure of the schooling system allow for your passions to be explored?

Take the Arts for example. Schools puts them at the bottom of the pile. Teachers and parents tell you that you can’t make a living through that stuff, and push you towards more subjects you find boring. Tell me this: once people have paid for essentials, where does their money go? Most of the time, entertainment. And what is entertaining? Art.

There’s huge money in music, design, and film, if you’re passionate enough to make it work. The same applies for the trades, humanities, and other subjects that the education system looks down upon.

School doesn’t know shit. Follow your passions, ignore everyone’s fears, and you will be pleasantly surprised (and disappointed that you waited so long).


“What’s right hasn’t worked for you… you need to try some wrong, dog”
– token black guy, The 40 Year Old Virgin

Another thing school drilled into you is that being wrong is, well, wrong. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Mistakes are how you learn. Getting it wrong is the only real way to figure out what is right. You actually learn almost nothing from success, but you can learn everything from failure.

If you don’t believe me, do your research. Find the most successful people in your favourite field of life and research their path to the top. I guarantee that they made a tonne of mistakes. I  guarantee that no one has ever made it to the top flawlessly.

As Winston Churchill once said “Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without a lack of enthusiasm”.

Getting it wrong also gives life a richness that getting it right can’t compete with. Getting it wrong makes for the best stories.

At my Brojo men’s group, I tell stories about how I learned to approach girls during the day. The story they all enjoy the most is about the time I tried to tap a girl on the shoulder and accidentally flicked her boob. They learned more from that disaster than anything else I’ve ever said.

Stay tuned for the final chapter in this series, coming soon…

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