I have spent the last 5 years of my life consciously trying to build my self-confidence.
This journey has revealed to me some of the mysteries of the Universe. I have been unplugged from the Matrix. I see the machines controlling us all. I can never be plugged back in.
Thanks Warner Bros, I’ll see you in Court.
Now that I see this new reality, all I want to do is share it with others. Sexy people like you. I want to give back what I have learned.
Through being a coach I see that everyone already has what they need, they just can’t access it due to confidence barriers in their heads. We are hamstrung not by lack of knowledge, but by our inability to overcome feelings of fear, doubt and discomfort.
Today I will reveal part one of the top 20 secrets that the Universe doesn’t want you to know. I hope that you can trust what I am saying, and use this information to your advantage. Take a step towards higher self-worth today, because it will be a step away from the boredom and impotence of a life half-lived.
1) EVERYONE ELSE IS SCARED TOO
You know that voice that keeps you up at night? The one making you doubt yourself, the one preventing you from making moves? Yeah, everyone else hears it too.
There is no such thing as being “fearless”. Anyone who claims otherwise is either psychopathic, deluded or just full of crap.
“We all have a story playing in our head; the ‘I’m not good enough’ story” – Dr Russ Harris
It plays continuously in the background, and has no association with logic, reason or evidence. Sometimes it’s loud and it’s all we can hear, other times it is blissfully drowned out by positive thoughts. Either way, it is always there.
And it’s there to stay.
You can’t even have a positive thought without triggering that story. Try it right now: think of one of your best qualities. Then notice the other thoughts that come up with it, doubting it, challenging it, and undermining it.
The trick to rediscovering your inner confidence is learning how to live with this story, to accept it as a necessary consequence of being able to think. Aiming to be fearless is a fool’s errand. Fearlessness requires a complete lack of caring.
If you want to experience and enjoy life, you need to welcome fear and self-doubt as the necessary balance.
2) THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A PAIN-FREE LIFE
“Life is suffering” – Buddha (apparently)
Continuing on from point 1, pain is also a crucial part of life. The pursuit of happiness implies that there is some magical stage of life you can get to which will be pain-free.
Pain is the natural by-product of experience. Think of all of your favourite activities, relationships and experiences. There is always some sort of pain involved.
Think of pain as the reference point for joy, meaning and fulfillment. You simply cannot enjoy life without knowing what the opposite of enjoyment is. You can’t appreciate something unless you can understand the inevitable tragedy that it will one day be taken away.
More importantly, emotions come as a package deal. We are raised to believe certain emotions are “bad”, like anger or disgust. But the fact is they are normal. You will not be able to experience all the “good” ones like happiness and excitement unless you are prepared to accept the others. You can either have all emotions or none; there is no compromise.
Some people wish for eternal life. I used to. Now I realise that immortality would be a curse. How could you possibly find meaning without knowing you are going to die? It would all be pointless.
You don’t have to enjoy pain, you just have to accept its presence. Welcome it like you would the burning feeling you get lifting weights. It is a necessary part of our experience in order for life to have meaning.
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3) HAPPINESS IS JUST A TEMPORARY FEELING
I often jabber on about the pointlessness in pursuing “happiness”. Building confidence will open your eyes to something very important: happiness will never be a permanent state.
Again we come back to the ‘points of reference’. Life is a rich tapestry of emotion, each with its benefits for our experience. There is peace in sadness, there is confidence in fear, and there is passion in anger.
All the emotions you think of as “bad” are far from it. By definition, happiness requires other emotions to exist. You cannot be permanently happy, as it would eventually just end up being the worst state you can possibly experience: BOREDOM.
Boredom is the way I describe the feeling of not living. It is a waking death. Anything experienced for too long without variation becomes boring.
Life is about fluctuations, not stability. Forget happiness, try experiencing the full range of emotions with equal gratitude, curiosity and mindfulness.
4) PEOPLE DO NOT HAVE STATUS, YOU GIVE IT TO THEM
People tend to look at others as either better or worse than themselves. Depending on the situation, you are either The Man/Woman, or A Loser. There is a system in your mind that compares you constantly to others.
This leads always to seeing some people being seen as above you. You will cower, bow and scrape to those who you see as better. This might include people you are attracted to, your bosses, socially confident people, and anyone else whose presence makes you feel like either withdrawing or showing off.
Confidence building will make you realise the truth: we are all the same.
Think of how you look at whales. Do you see some whales as being better than others? No, they’re just whales.
And WE are just humans.
If you ever feel like someone is better than you, just remember this: at some point in their life, quite likely within the last few months, they have been glued to the toilet with explosive diarrhea.
I don’t mean to gross you out. Just pointing out that everybody poops. Those people you are fearful of are just humans; blood, nerves, skin, and talking bullshit to avoid their pain, just like everyone else.
People are only better than you when YOU think they are. Best to just stop comparing altogether.
5) SLAVERY IS A MINDSET, NOT A SITUATION
People mostly think of themselves as “free” because they are not technically slaves. In fact most people are either slaves or prisoners. I have met very few people in my life who I consider to be “free”. Sometimes I’m not even sure I am free (but I’m definitely getting closer).
What is the definition of slavery? Being owned and controlled by someone else.
What defines being a prisoner? Being in a place where you cannot escape.
If you feel you cannot talk back to your boss because he will fire you, then you are technically a slave. He owns your ass. And in a more practical sense, he exchanges money for your time. If that is not completely of your free will (i.e. some part of you believes you MUST accept it and you cannot walk away at any time), then you have the mind of a slave.
If you feel like you can’t pursue your passions because of your restrictions and obligations, then you are a prisoner. You have put up walls around yourself. Your life cannot be escaped, and your limitations dictate your options.
Slavery and imprisonment can only happen inside your mind.
Unplug from the Matrix. Prove to yourself that there are no limits. Ask yourself “If I could do anything, or be anyone, what would that look like? What would need to change in my life? What would I have to do differently?”
Then act on the answers to those questions.
Great post Dan! Thoroughly enjoyed it!
Thanks mate, more to come soon!